Hush

I wanted to tell all of you excitable young folks who can't wait to tell me who you're voting for and why to please keep it to yourself. I promise your endorsement means very little to me, and truthfully, the more you talk about Obama's ineffable charm, the more I want to push you down the stairs. 

And to all you enthusiastic young republicans, with your bright red bow-ties and round grinning faces, I want to push you down an even higher flight of stairs. Whenever I see you at the latest McCain rally on Fox News, your meticulously combed hair-flip makes me sick to my stomach. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm glad that you're going to vote, but only to the extent that I'm glad you ate your breakfast this morning or remembered to wear your safety belt on your way to work. It's your right to vote. It's also your right to a fair and just trial, but I don't see a bunch of middle-aged ladies pulling into Whole Foods with a bumper sticker supporting the 6th amendment on the back of their Volvos. 

I get that people want their guy to win. I get the whole notion of campaigning. I just think updating your facebook status is an ineffectual and annoying way of getting your views across. 

If you've done your research, carefully cross-checked the facts, and boned-up on the policies of each candidate, I could see that some people would really appreciate your insight. Maybe you could take them out to a nice, quiet dinner, lay out the facts, and try to guide their decisions that way. I'm not making any promises, but that sounds like it could work. 

I will tell you with complete certainty, however, that updating your Twitter account to "I truly weep for this country if Obama becomes president" is not going change anyone's mind.